Hi Cyber Sweeties,
The flavor of the week is LOVE in all its forms and glory. Later this week I will share a question I have received from the community concerning love conundrums as well as big-eyed songbird stories of yore and hearts and magic. Before then, get yourself ramped up with some incredible TED talks on the subject of all that is LOVE in all caps.
What does Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, think about love?
Introducing the thought-process behind love that changed my entire perspective:
“I can tell you, I go to many parts of the world, where I don’t ever hear people say, “My partner is my best friend.” They have best friends, and that’s not there partner. Their partner is their partner. That’s a different thing. And frankly, many people treat their partners in ways that they would never treat their best friends and allow themselves to say and do things that no best friend would ever accept. Friendship does not operate along the same lines.
So what sustains desire and why is it so difficult? And at the heart of sustaining desire in a relationship, I think it’s the consideration of two fundamental human needs.
On the one hand, our need for security, for predictability, for safety, for dependability, for reliability, for permanence: all of these anchoring, grounding experiences of lives that we call home.
But we also have an equally strong need, men and women, for adventure, for novelty, for mystery, for risk, for danger, for the unknown, the unexpected surprise…for journey for travel.
So reconciling our need for security and our need for adventure into one relationship, or today what we like to call a passionate marriage, used to be a contradiction in terms. Marriage was an economic institution in which you were given a partnership for life in terms of children, social status, succession, and companionship.
But now, we want our partner to still give us all these things, but in addition I want you to be my best friend, and my trusted confidant, and my passionate lover to boot, and we’ll live twice as long.
So we come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village was to provide. Give me belonging, give me identity, give me continuity but give me transcendence and mystery and awe all in one. Give me comfort, give me edge, give me novelty give me familiarity, give me predictability give me surprise, and we think it’s a given.”
Talk about unrealistic expectations on our partners. Who knew love was such a balancing act. Then again, should we be at all surprised?
So gather some inspiration and then lets chat. I’m still collecting stories and questions from you, Cyber Sweeties. Continue to ask away!
Can’t wait to share the LOVE in just a few days.
All the best,